rigidridr's Cancer Blog
May 2, 2008
| 3 more months | Views: 76 |
After my last check-up in February, I had a huge 6 tattooed on my elbow. 6 months between check-ups, 6 months at a time.
Several of my friends here have talked about this (cancer) being too big a mountain to climb looking at the summit. That being said we break it down into a piece at a time. Well, my pieces are 6 month blocks. I start climbing right after a check-up and 6 months later I look back to see how far I have come.
At the start of the climb I can bask in the victory of the climb I just finished and near the end I can see the top of the next peak, but right here in the middle I can’t see much of anything. I am too far to look back at a victory and too far from the next goal to see it clear.
Here it is just a dark spot where there is nothing to do but grunt and scratch and will myself to keep inching upward. My knees are bloody and my hands ache and more than anything I just want to stop! Stop and rest without fear of falling off the path. I can look back to a couple of days ago when I had peace and the mood was sunny, but I can’t reach it. I see it like a postcard but I can’t remember being in it…
The sky is cloudy and dark and thunderstorms are coming up
and I just kinda feel like I am on the side of the mountain waiting to get blown off…
Forgive my moody rant….
I need to focus on climbing for today, just keep climbing for today…maybe I should plan to climb for a minute, the day seems so long. I will climb for a minute…just for a minute.
I put my hand in yours…and together we can do what we could never do alone
05.04.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Remember keep your head up and smile.
Dear Mac; the winds are howling and the buds on the tress are swaying to and fro trying to look for some kind of sunshine that seemed to have disappeared 2 days ago. Much like your mood, the weather seems to speak of change constantly and that is what we have here. Constant change. I hope your minutes today turn into 1/2 hours tomorrow, and then an hour on Sunday. Why not ask for these little things don’t you think we deserve it??? Of course we do and especially you since this is a time right now that you are feeling blue. Let’s hope the colours change too and that tomorrow might be a shade of green. We are always thinking of you and your wonderful writings. You do it so well. Take care Mac. Weezie from Canada eh.
Here’s my hand, Mac!
I’ll rest with you through the storm. Its scary but wondrous…storms on the mountains. But they usually pass quickly, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Who knows, maybe that wind will give you a boost up the mountain, not off.
Lisa
Hi Mac,
So what do they call the operating theater in the States? I suppose its a strange name for it really, lets hope they know what they are doing in there and are not actors! We are determined to get on our motorbikes this summer and do some serious miles….all we do is polish them right now! The thought of making too much noise riding through sleepy British villages is keeping us going!
Good to make a new pal
love claire ans simon
Hi mac,
Simon is still swigging morphine from the bottle, I think when they opened his chest is what is causing most of the pain. Still, the sun is shining over here (very unusual for little old England!) I was just telling my father-in-law that you are from Indiana, that sounds like a cool place to live! Where is it? Simon has been to the States but only Florida years ago with the ex-wife (or the dragon as I like to call her) I dream of going on one of those road trips where you can ride your motorbike for hours and not see a petrol station, full of adventure and not full of motorway police!
One thing I have noticed is that Americans are always full of hope, where does that come from?
I read others blogs and they seem full of wisdom, does that come with age, One day I hope I wake up strong and wise so I can be more help to Simon, now and again he puts his head in his hands and I never know what to say. I tell him how much I love and care about him….is this enough until I can find the right words, do you think?
the children are a great help and distraction, they were so carefree until Simon was diagnosed, it bothers me that they know that life is fragile at such a young age! for now we will just enjoy the sunshine!
take care Mac
Love claire and Simon
Hi Mac—i do not go past ‘one day at a time’....seems strange to some, but works for me. Try and think only positive and fun thoughts..Sue
Hey man we were very moved by your words!
You are gonna be quoted, believe that!
Thanks so much for the support and love…it means a lot to us and have had a positive impact on us…you rock brother!
With Lane Love
Timmy D