rigidridr's Cancer Blog
August 4, 2008
| 14 days out | Views: 595 |
14 days until my next scan. Just a “normal” test. As if basing your health outlook on a quarter inch of waste liquid is normal…
I thought I was feeling fine until I got up this morning and looked at the calender and got depressed and angry. Like some giant hammer flying through the air and smacking me square in the face. I want more than anything to return to a time when I believed I was immortal. A time when I looked at the future as an endless wave full of excitement and promise.
Yeah my cyclical depression has returned full force. I had a therapist tell me that I lived my life and told her about my life in an abstract, like a story I was telling not as if I was actually in it. Sort of a third person perspective. Well this cancer stuff is first person, no B.S., real.
About now my future is 14 days. 14 days of summer. All the silly questions flood my mind, is this the last summer of riding or the last summer of whatever. I hate this! I hate that cancer has stolen my immortality. Like it says in the banner “cancer sucks”.
All right, I will go somewhere and try not to infect others with this poor outlook. Sorry for the bummer post. I am sure my sarcastic smartass self will return and I will once again be the “long haired, overfed sleeping gnome”. But until then, know I pray for you all, my friends, my inspirational friends…
Hugz
Mac
Deb Wellman 
Thanks for your support -
Mac, I agree this caner stuff really sucks. I think the anticipation over the scans and tests,are sometimes emotionally harder then going through treatment. Please know that we all support you during these times and we love how you support us. Your snapshots of your daily life and thoughts keep us going and find me laughing my head off- much to the puzzling look of my family ( hey- too bad for them). Keep the positive thoughts going as much as you can muster. Let us know how things turn out and in the meantime I’ll pray for you to have strength and peace.
Hang tough! Theresa C
Mac – it is so nice to have you in this community. Even when you are talking about depression you make me laugh.
Dear Mac; Atleast you have hit the 2.5 mark, in fact passed it so celebrate my boy. And what’s peeing in a bottle in comparison to the scope? Quite a bit. Now gettig the results is the tough one. I’m off for my 3rd bone scan due at 8am at the hospital so I will make this snappy cause I’m running behind (always)...I am more afraid to see the Dr. next week. Soooo I planned this bone scan around a well needed getaway with the girls for 2 days, while my husband can relax at home with our kitties and do all the jobs in the job jar. ha ha…You know Mac, like I said in my last response to your post, we can’t live without your truths, the comedic relief, your insightfull perspectives, and we realize that takes a lot out of a person. So go ahead and mumble, get mad, get even, but for god’s sake get on your bike and ride for all those that can’t right now. You know the best revenge is rising above the fall.
Will post my results next week. I will be praying for good ones for you, me and everyone else that needs the help. God bless you Mac and cheer up, we aren’t six feet below yet. Weezie
Mac you put thing so well. I agree I hate the anticipation waiting for tests and the results it puts you on hold. I will pray for good news
Cheryl
Mac,
The 14 days have passed, so today would be the day to pass the pee? We are all awaiting your results and praying too. I so agree I hate the waiting. I found out today that my dad’s melanoma on his arm has spread to his liver and lung. He is 91 and other than surgery on his arm on Thursday there is not much to do. Now I wait until Friday to see how my new chemo has effected my marker. Waiting, waiting, always fearing. Hang in there. We lover your cleverness. Many prayers,
Gaile