rigidridr's Cancer Blog
August 21, 2008
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So I had my test and all is good but I have not been able to shake the emotional anchor. I was sitting at my desk yesterday and became overwhelmed with life in general, the uncertainty of cancer and how that has effected every crevice of my life. I shut everything down, told my office staff I would be back in day or two and walked out. On the way to the car I called the boss and told her I would try to be back Monday.
The rest of the day was spent just hanging out doing nothing. Today I am going for a ride to blow the cobwebs out of my brain.
Pre-cancer I probably would not have just walked off my job, but the longer I survive the more I understand that the most important thing in my life is living everyday however I need to. I try to take others into account but that is second to making sure I am alright. This may sound selfish but the truth is that if I am not alright I am not able to serve the needs of those who count on me.
If you are new to being a survivor, learn to take care of your needs. You know when you need a break or a nap or a hot bath. Other people can care and mean well but you must take charge of your own wellness. It is okay. It is okay to say no thanks or not today, I need to do something else.
So here is the question. What do you do when you get overwhelmed. what are your coping tricks? Thanks for sharing.
Be blessed
Mac
Deb Wellman 
Thanks for your support -
Hi, Mac.
Thank you for your comment.
What you wrote on you blog and my comment is so true. I am just starting to learn to to say no thank you. I am starting to learn that this is not the time to spend much time trying to please other people. It is the time to focus on me and what’s best for me.
Prayers
Yuyu
When I was diagnosed I was freaking out and knew I needed to have an outlet and I wanted that outlet to be a healthy one. So I decided it would be to take a bath. Sometime I would bring a notepad and write down what i needed to do or what I was thinking about and it always worked for me. At least for the moment. In the first year or so there were a lot of days where I took three baths and I think one day I took four. What a little raisin I was. I could always tell how good or bad my day was going by the number of baths I took. The other thing was to walk down the street to the local bakery/coffee house and get a dark cup of coffee and scone and stop everything and enjoy those.
It’s weird that you brought this up tomorrow I’m leaving on vacation with a big chunk of my father’s family and I originally didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to hold anyone back. The idea of rejecting going out to lunch with them would make me feel weird, then I discovered the idea of “No thanks,I’d rather stay here.” came to mind. I aim to please and make plans go smoother so I am too still learning to put my needs forward over others sometimes.
My latest coping trick that never fails is sadly my Lexapro prescription. I just get horribly anxious and it calms me down and prevents actual physical sickness. Then I head upstairs to lay down for a nap with my favorite blankets. I usually wake up a new woman.
You all ways have some good things to say and I love you for it. Hug to the rest of the family.
Hug Sherri
i agree with the bath, but also, just a good cry on the bed. i screamed out loud the other day and it even helped. i also sit outside and just listen to birds,,,the wind. sometimes i call my sister or a good friend. and just cry….
i too, just received my first clean scan in 2 years and feel a little lost,,but i am praying hard and finding my way, slowly. my blog says more if you would like to read,,,i am planning to copy and move to this spot once i have time, feel like it and can figure it out!
thoughtsofanrtist.blogspot.com (note artist is missing the “a”............
good luck,,,hope to talk with you again..
For refreshing ideas and joy, gooooogle “cottage cheese flax” and read for a while. I ran into this about 2 years ago and it’s great!
I cry and pray when I am so overwhelmed. I spend lots of time alone to digest the situation. I do work-out even if it is walking my dog to see how happy he is. Help others too is big for me. We need you here.
Kathleen
I really don’t know how I’ve been coping during this time. Most of the time I still feel like a deer in the headlights. One thing I turn to when it gets really bad-prayer. I have a little conversation with God. I feel a lot better after those talks. I hope you feel better soon!
XOXOI am just learning to cope, on a normal day my head is so full that I just need to pace about for a bit and try to organize it all. This site has become a bit of a refuge…Somehow reading the things written here move me forward.
Cheers,
EyeCandy
Have a nice day!
Hey Mac,
Gaile again. When I was first diagnosed almost 21 months ago I was given 18 months to live, no hope of a cure and only 18 months if I took major chemo and signed up for an investigational study. If I didn’t agree, then I had 6 months tops. Well, needless to say I agreed to everything then came the overwhelming panic, many sobbing tears, many hot baths, talks with ministers, gurus, I even met and was blessed by His Holiness The Dalai Lama. Nothing made me feel better. I had to stopped work, never even got to go back to a day. At 55 I had to use a walker and couldn’t exercise any more. My kids were still dependents and my husband absolutely useless. My elderly parents were dependent on me… yipes. Was I overwhelmed? Well duh! I saw a counselor and she was nice to talk to but that didn’t do it for me. Lexapro has been my friend too, for about a year and a half. I take it every day. I don’t feel any different except that I don’t panic at all, and although I am aware of my depression, it rarely overwhelms me. I have also found that some days I escape by just sleeping. I spend about 5 days after chemo sleeping all day and night. I can get away with it as no one expects much from me on those days. I made a Bucket List and I am doing it! I made it not too exotic so it can be accomplished. I am going to Yosemite with 3 girlfriends for 3 days. Other trips to follow. My son will be leaving to study in Japan for 11 months, in two weeks. It breaks my heart that I may never see him again. So… I told my husband that he and I are going to Honolulu (he is a student at University of Hawaii) to take him to meet up with his travel group. So the 3 of us are going and I just threw out my frugality and said screw it, I am going to have 2 perfect days with my son and I booked the only 4 star hotel on the beach. I will tell my husband when we get there. If he gets mad, then he is a bigger butt head than I thought he was. I am enjoying what I want, how I want. I spend as much time with people I love and enjoy as I can. I still try to care for my parents as much as I can. My day had surgery today to remove malignant melanomas and my mom has had a couple of small strokes recently. I feel GREAT being needed and productive. It makes me feel as if I am actually working again. I am not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself and they need me to be there for them. I hate feeling it has been a gift to me, but it has.
So there you have it. Not a short answer by any means. I have chemo tomorrow and gamma knife to another brain tumor next week. Starting tomorrow I will be back into my self pity some. But I SET GOALS for things to look forward to, lots of them, my trip to Hawaii (I have taken 3 so far!), a reunion with high school friends (after 38 years), I just was Matron of Honor at my best friend’s wedding (I didn’t think I would still be here). Look at what you have to be thankful for and make a point to stick around for important things.
Lastly, am I totally able to ever push the cancer out of my thoughts? Never ever. It is just better sometimes than others. I wish I could make it disappear. I get a minute here and there. When I was first diagnosed I asked Ram Dass on Maui how to stop the endless noise in my head. There was so much and it wouldn’t stop, I was going crazy. He told me to live only in the moment. To do so takes much practice, I still struggle a lot. Many people tell me to put myself first (very difficult having been an R.N. a first grade teacher, and a mom… I am a giver by nature), but I try. I am not sure this is really something that fits my personality, unless I am feeling totally crappy.
I had better stop. This isn’t even my blog. I guess the obvious thing I do is talk, type, and share, a bunch. Therapeutic for me, I hope it helped you some. Gaile
Dear Mac, as always you have started a stream that gets bigger every time. First thing about getting overwhelmed is that: 1) You can’t erase the fact you have cancer and noone is going to take it away. How overwhelming is that?
2) Since there is no way of erasing the facts, one has to find ways to make believe or escape from the reality. Now that is the trick, the challenge of Cancer. Aside from the physical aspects of treatment and cancer itself, the mind is the motor of the vehicle we call our body.
COPING TRICKS. Everything that people have mentioned here is what I had hoped for. Always coming up with good advice. It’s my sleeping pattern that is an uphill battle. I just can’t put it out of my mind no matter how hard I try. I believe when I am busy I just don’t think about it, but when lying in bed, my mind wanders. I think I need a good read. I heard that The Other Bolyn Girl is a great book so off to the library I go. Maybe reading will help me fall off and perhaps a good sleeping pill too. Doing lots of improvements at our home helps me too. I mean like outside gardening, restaining the deck (which my husband did), just planning to improve helps. I hope all is well with everyone, and yes this is another fine summer day today. Weezie
I guess everyone has different ways of coping. One of mine is crying. It relieves so much tension. When my husband was alive it upsets him so much to see me cry. I tried to tell him that it helped me but I don’t think he really understood. Another is sleeping. I escape through sleep so much sometimes that my daughter gets worried about me and then bugs me to death about sleeping so much.
Take care, my friend.
Joyce