rigidridr's Cancer Blog
October 5, 2008
| Shadows | Views: 327 |
So I got sick, a real sharp pain in my side, a cough etc. on and on. I waited 24 hours to make sure it wasn’t something minor, like I slept wrong or trapped gas. Then I was off to the clinic and now I am on the mend.
Being sick is part of life. Everyone gets a cold or flu or whatever, no big deal. You cough and sneeze and you keep going.
Until you have or have had cancer. No longer are you allowed to just feel tired. No longer is a cold a cold or the flu just the flu. Every sneeze or cough or tired moment is filtered through the reality that you have had or have cancer. As soon as you say anything health related everyone around goes into full alert. Tensions escalate. Paranoia hits hyper drive and the world comes to a grinding halt until a doctor clears you.
My wife is someone who is very comfortable calling the kids and her friends and family, keeping everyone updated, even before we know if there is an issue. I am NOT! I don’t tell anyone anything until I have time to process and come to terms with whatever is going on. I am a private person who does not like it when people know things about me that I have not shared with them.
I am angry that cancer has made me appear weaker. I am bitter that people, who would never have considered me anything but fierce, now feel comfortable looking at me with pity. I don’t want pity! I don’t want empathy! I don’t know what I want but I know I don’t want to feel like a burden.
I want people to understand that just because I have had cancer does not mean that I owe anyone. I don’t owe you a health update. I don’t owe you a run down of every sneeze. I don’t owe you a thing and when you act as if my cancer has given you a right to be overly familiar, I am going to get pissed off!
No one would think of coming up and asking how your vasectomy went. “So hows the sperm count?”. “Does your junk still work?”. How about this, “so what cup size did you go up to?”. “Are your nipples off center?”. But it is okay to ask me how my cancer is going? Let me bring it up and if I don’t then have the courtesy and good sense not to.
I may be a lot of things but I am not now nor will I ever be a victim. Right now I am just mad. Look at me the way you did before I got sick. If you loved me, nothing has changed and if you feared me the same holds true.
Mac
Deb Wellman 
Thanks for your support -
Mac, Boy I know what your saying. I get a head ace and people look at me different then I hear the whispers maybe the cancer spread or the chemo is getting to her… Ya I can identify with what your saying…. Feel better
Cheryl
Love ya!
Sherri
Dear Mac,
I knew someone in a wheel chair. She hated when people looked at her or made comments. She said she’d rather people have the guts to ask her what happened. She said there were a few that asked and it made them realize just how lucky they were as well as eductaed them about her illness. There is good and bad in everything. Perhpas the people that ask – give a damn. Just a thought.
Love ya,
Sonia
Mac, I SOO get what you’re saying. I have some major issues with brother’s Religious beliefs as well as this need he feels to try and swoop in and take charge. So I have not even told him. I’m sure his first move would be a mass email to all cousins, {large Irish-Catholic family}, and I, like you refuse to be a victim. I fought a war and have been a athlete all my life.
My business is my business. enough said. Thanks for a place to rant. Jim {PhuBai}
Mac,
Amen. And add to your excellent comments… people who would have called me to chat (B.C. – Before Cancer) who decide not to bother me because I am probably resting, sleeping, or too sick to bother. HELLO? Are they psychic? I think not. I always tell them that if I don’t feel like talking, I won’t answer the phone. I get bored and lonely more than I get sick and tired. So call me! I know they care so they are trying to be thoughtful, but it is horrible to be treated this way. We are NOT cancer, and nothing else. We are many things, and just happen to have cancer. Sometimes it feels like cancer has stolen my identity.
I am glad you are healing from your pneumonia and pleurisy. Not fun. Expect to be tired for a while. And keep speaking up for us all!
Mac,
I am with you on the appearing weaker. I feel weaker. Emotionally, I will never be the same but it is more difficult to hear it from other people. I already know my weakness. On my last doctors appointment she said “You are the strongest patient I have seen, How can I help you regain that person?” I was ready to change physicians. Anyway, you have a lot of support from me.
Melissa
Dear Mac,
Well, if it makes you feel better, this post made me kinda scared of you! You are definitely still fierce! I’m sorry you are feeling so frustrated—it’s so hard to have cancer take away so much of our identities, and without our permission! I hope you are feeling better physically and mentally very soon.
Peace,
Kathy