rigidridr's Cancer Blog
October 6, 2008
| Yesterday | Views: 317 |
It has come to my attention that I need to check the sizing in my undershorts or throw out the ones that are too tight. It appears from yesterday’s post that mine might have been a tad snug, thus causing discomfort and irritability.
I know most of the people who ask about my health are asking out of love (because they give a damn). I know that I am blessed beyond measure to have so many people in my life care for me and about me. I never wanted to appear ungrateful, and I am afraid that yesterday’s rant may have done that very thing.
Maybe what I am most angry about is my attitude about my cancer. I look at every sneeze differently. I gauge every new or different feeling with some fear. So when other people ask or notice I get defensive. I am already scared and having others ask makes my paranoia worse and nobody gets mad at themselves when there is a perfectly good someone else to get mad at.
I want to thank all of you for responding. But I am especially grateful for those who challenged me to look deeper and more honestly at what I was trying to express.
I am blessed and sometimes I need to be reminded of that fact.
Hugz to you all
Mac
Deb Wellman 
Thanks for your support -
Hi Mac,
We humanoids don’t have switches to turn our caring off and on. I was worried when you told me what was going on. It is my job as your friend to worry. You give my life meaning because I have someone to look after and care for. I can’t imagine not having that or you in my life. I worry when I wear a ponytail too much and my scalp feels funny. I just laugh and I say “you slapped cansor in the face” and take my ponytail out. I do understand your anxiety. I know you have a long time to spend on the planet. You are very special and have a book to write. Can’t wait to read it while enjoying a cupcake. (sugar free)
Love and Caring
Kathleen
Mac,
You are allowed to rant. Ups and downs…that is how is goes. When my mother was sick she couldnt blink without us asking if she was ok. The conversation would pretty much go like this “how are you feeling”? “How are your sores”? “Did you sleep well last night”?.....and so on. Like a freaking interogation. Finally, after a family discussion, we decided not to ask the millions of questions. SHE would tell us when she wasnt feeling good. SHE would tell us if she had a new pain that was worrying her. We didnt always succeed in not giving her the 3rd degree, but we tried. There were a few times she gave us a good SHUT THE F*** UP! LOLOLOL! That usually worked ;)
God Bless,
Lisa
Dear Mac,
I was not sure how to respond to your other post. I had mixed feelings about it, as I’m guessing you did too. Your new post does not surprise me and I’m glad to see it.
This is a tough game we are playing and the rules are not always fair. People love us and care about and they don’t realize that we are sick of it, sick of being or having been sick!
And unfortunately this doesn’t just go away . . .it is something we do have to live with the rest of our lives in one way or another. That is something I am still trying to come to grips with!
Big Hug to You,
Wendy
Mac, I am awake, trying to stay awake. Usually I have to take sleeping pills to sleep, but now I need to do the opposite and stay awake. I have a test tomorrow and I am only allowed to sleep for fours hours the night before. ugh! I hate cancer. oh well, on a lighter note, I am grateful to be your friend Mac. I look forward to your posts no matter what they say. Have a great night. Jill
Hi Mac; I’m glad it’s today cause yesterday I wasn’t around, however I read your post today. Well there’s one thing for sure, you can’t keep up that rant forever cause it just takes too much damn energy. Your thoughts are clear and likely represent most of us most or some of the time. Cancer does that to you. It gives you and me and the rest of us the right to blast away our feelings because that is free, without the cancer itself. I heard something the other day which I thought I would share with you.
WORRY IS INTEREST PAID ON TROUBLE THAT’S NOT DUE.
That kind of put things in perspective for me as I seem to love to worry. Just my makeup, my genes, my need to do something rather than ignore it. See where that gets me? “Paying more interest that’s not due”.
Well now that you found your nickers too tight, how bout getting on that bike and ride right over to the big sell off on briefs. Go ahead you deserve it! Who needs a ruptured gut too?
Well how’s the weather down there? The sun is shining, the leaves are glowing in mulitple colours, and yes oh yes, Thanksgiving is this coming Monday. UMMM Turkey, gravy, veggies, dessert, lots of wine and yes a drive in the country to get to the festivities. Can hardly wait. Hope your spirits find some new glow. Always thinking of you Mac.
Weezie
Mac,
Oh for heaven’s sake. No need to backtrack or apologize, or even check your skivvies. You were sharing what you were feeling at the time. You shared it with the right audience. Now you are reflecting and feeling less of a “shadow”. But it was honest at the time. We love you for your honesty, and speaking for us collectively, as you so often do.
Hi Mac,
I just read your post. Didn’t see the other one. You know why—-because the last chemotherapy Oct. 1-3, Wednesday thru Friday morning made me sick plus very tired. So I have not been on the net.
This cancer thing is no fun and sometimes we have to let it all hang out! smile
In fact, if you read my cancer blog, the last one was where I started crying and felt all alone. I’m not all alone but for the moment that was what I felt.
So, it’s okay to vent, especially on this site, because we do understand. I think it actually helps clear our mind and the air (poor air with some of my venting, though. smile). At least, when it’s over, I tend to feel a little better.
So, cheer up, you’re all right fella.
Love, prayer, understanding and hope and hugs to you and yours.
Ethel Craven-Sweet better known as sweete2
As a cancer supporter…I am afraid that I was guilty of being over concerned at times with Wes regarding anything from a sniffle to a twinge…and I can see where it would get aggravating at times…but what can I say? Cancer is such a bitch…it somehow seems to take slowly erase the memories of the person “before” and everything is focused on “what’s next”. Even an innocent “Hey babe…how are ya feeling” could easily be perceived as the beginning of an interrogation…lol.
From all of the posts I assume that you got the message that there was no need to apologize. Your words express feelings…whether they be of being pissed, or encouragement…that are felt by so many others…and words that we look forward to reading on a regular basis.
Rock on hon…
Hi there Just checking in .
Hug Sherri